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“You are perfect for me”

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I was seduced by these words. They went straight to my heart. Even though the local man’s actions rarely paralleled this sentiment. Even though much of the time I wondered why he didn’t bother to set a time to get together while his text and phone messages talked about how much he missed me and cared about me.
Why was I taken in by words that weren’t backed by consistent action? Part of me longed to believe them. And frequently when we were together, I felt his actions proved his words. But we saw each other maybe a day out of every 10 — 10% of the time.

When we were together he would look me in the eye while holding me close and say these words clearly — and I felt, sincerely. I so wanted them to be true.

And I was not without fault. I would say them back to him even though I was often frustrated — sometimes even angered — by his lack of initiative to see me and his sometimes disrespectful behavior. My logical mind knew he was far from perfect for me. But my heart was taken in by his words — coupled with my desire to believe them. When I said them back to him, at that moment I believed them.

Now I’ve learned to be more skeptical. The words are heart melting when you hear them. But you have to make sure they are backed by consistent, congruent behavior that shows he feels you are perfect for him. Otherwise they are just air.

Of course, part of you knows the words are expressing happiness with the other, knowing perfection in a relationship is rare. But you don’t listen to that voice. You only listen with the ear of romance, wanting to believe you can be perfect for someone, even if you know he is not really perfect for you. And truthfully, you don’t really believe you are perfect for him as you don’t see the actions that reinforce that.

What words have you learned not to trust when not backed by congruent behaviors? (“I love you,” “I adore you,” “I’d never hurt you” come to mind.) What have you uttered that your mind knew wasn’t true, but your heart felt was true at the moment?

Real Deal or Faux BeauWant to understand other ways to know if he’s being sincere? Read Real Deal or Faux Beau: Should You Keep Seeing Him?

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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