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Would you be happy with a cuddle buddy?

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There are various types of “buddies” in dating. Some you’re good with; others you’re not. You don’t really want a  no-strings-attached sex-only relationship. You want some strings if you are going to get intimate — at least some interest in exploring if you both want there to be strings, not just “That was fun. See you later.”

You crave tender touching and caresses, but there’s no one on the horizon that interests you enough to go down the physically intimate path. So you seem caught between no physicality at one extreme to enduring a booty call just to get some physical contact.

Enter the concept of cuddle buddy. “What’s that?” you ask. Good question, as I just invented the term, although the concept has been around. It’s where two people (of the opposite sex for this blog’s discussion) who are fond of each other but never got into a dating relationship. They enjoy each other’s company and like to hang out. But there’s a deal breaker for one or both of them that prevented the relationship from getting intimate.

Neither of you is dating anyone else so you don’t get your skin hunger satisfied elsewhere. So when you sit on the couch watching a movie, you end up smack next to each other. His arm may go around her shoulders, her head may rest on his chest. One may rest a hand on the other’s leg. There is no kissing, just cuddling. They may even fall asleep on the couch this way.

A cuddle buddy is only good when you both understand there is no interest in going further. If one of you breaks the invisible wall and starts kissing or trying to advance, it all falls apart. One of you has to stop the other and there is an awkwardness between you then. Or maybe the other doesn’t stop and things go beyond where you both know you should, and then it becomes really strange. Now you are lovers, but you don’t really want to be this person’s lover because of the aforementioned deal breaker. Do you “break up” even though you were really never going together? Or do you try to ignore it hoping things will go back to normal? Or do you talk about it to clear the air, but things really don’t go back the way they were?

So try cuddle buddying only when you believe you’re both clear on the boundaries and are willing to live within them. But it is a nice alternative to the other kinds of dating buddies.

Have you had this kind of relationship? If so, was it easy or hard to maintain your boundaries? What happened when one of you met a romantic partner? How did it end — or did it?


To determine if you’re ready to get intimate, get your copy of From Fear to Frolic: Get Naked Without Getting Embarrassed.

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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