Toddlers will tell you about yourself in a way no one else will
Beyond saying the darndest things, little kids can be downright savage in their honesty. Brutal, even. Often times you can’t even get truly mad about it, because it’s just them being 100% honest and inquisitive. Sometimes, though, they know just the right buttons to push when they lob an insult. No one knows that better than mom and author Angela Davis.
On Twitter, Davis shared a particularly solid insult her toddler threw her way and seriously — ouch.
Toddler insults are just…whew. She hurts my feelings low key. Today's tantrum ended with "AND I DON'T LIKE YOUR BRAIDS!"
— Angela Davis (@TheKitchenista) November 16, 2017
No mercy there. NONE. Davis’ tweet quickly gained traction with other toddler parents who can relate. Her post has been re-tweeted nearly four thousand times and brought forth some seriously hilarious responses. The stories people shared are honestly pure comedy gold and some are even more savage.
Me, while cooking: "Ugh! Curry get every dang where!"
Nephew: Your shirt?
Me: "looks at curry stained shirt' Yep!
Nephew: "Your teeth too?"
— #fundtolive (@KishaBue) November 16, 2017
Oh. My. God. Brb, dying.
when my daughter was 3, she was playing hide & seek with my pops. He stopped playing & she got upset…with her arms folded she yelled “I don’t know why Nana married you anyway” he replied “because she loves me” she says “You don’t know that!”
— Alternative Hairline (@walkerk23) November 16, 2017
Ouch. Sorry Pops.
I was messing with one of my youngest nieces once like "haha, that's why you have to go to school tomorrow" and she hit me with "haha, that's why you gotta go to work tomorrow." Killed me.
— Demarcus Robinson (@DOCisChief) November 16, 2017
That may just be the harshest truth of all.
I big chopped my hair all over again. My 5yo daughter said "you like your brother. But that's ok, I guess."
— AsiaAC (@Aye_jaah) November 16, 2017
Like six months after I gave birth I was feeling myself and wore a bodycon dress.
My (then 4 yr old) niece was like "is there another baby in there?"
Her: then why is your stomach like that https://t.co/dVAXVwiDjb
— Dominique Matti (@mominiquematti) November 16, 2017
OK this would have ended me. Goodbye forever, world. See ya.
I've had both of mine, at different times, out of the blue look at my roots and ask "when are you going to get your hair colored?" Like they aren't the reasons for some of this gray.
— Camille Wright Felton (@CamilleWFelton) November 16, 2017
Toddler looked me in the eyes and told me to get my own friends when I tried to join the circle in the class I was teaching. https://t.co/vQQitsuu9l
— Dren (@succubitch666) November 16, 2017
Now that is COLD. To the bone.
My nana died her hair the wrong colour and my sibling (5) went "OH nana I do NOT like that colour on you oh no why would you do that it's awful" we were all like pic.twitter.com/9m0h5f80Gx
— P.S. Pretty Sad (@Imani316) November 16, 2017
Little cousin: didn’t you just have a baby
Him: so why your stomach still big?
— London's Mommmy (@LondonNMommy) November 16, 2017
OK seriously, how do all these little kids know exactly how to hit us where it hurts? These tummy digs are a literal gut-punch.
I was just telling someone the other day about how she almost made me cry when she said, “I don’t like her,” right in front of me like I wasn’t there.
— Bettina Judd (@bettinajudd) November 16, 2017
Luckily for parents everywhere, we have alcohol to soothe our shunned souls. My daughter’s only two so I know I’m on borrowed time before I get regular citations from the Honesty Police about my own stinky morning breath and grey roots.
Though when I was four years old, I was the flower girl in my adult cousin’s wedding. I distinctly remember looking up at her — and with no malice in my little heart whatsoever — asked her, wide-eyed, why she was “so fat.” While she was in her wedding dress. ON HER WEDDING DAY. Everyone around me was just completely horrified, and to this day I still feel queasy and cringe every time I think about it. I’m actually dying right now as I type this.
Kids throw the kind of shade that cuts deep because it’s so pure. They will absolutely make you check yourself in ways that would have even the shadiest of adults bowing down. Savage AF, plain and simple.