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Opening the kimono

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kimonoWe’d been talking for a few weeks before meeting. I’m not fond of trying to kindle a relationship with someone living 1000 miles away, but he had certain rare attributes I’ve been looking for in a partner, but unable to find locally.

He arranged to stop in my city on his way home from a business trip. At dinner, he was as charming in person as on the phone and IM. We laughed and talked easily as we already knew a good deal about each other. He was a perfect gentleman, sharing his delight about our meeting and never trying to force more intimacy than a first meeting warranted.

I picked him up the next day and we visited some mutually interesting sites, had a leisurely walk, lunch, and got to know each other better. We both realized the face-to-face meeting shifts the interactions.

Mid-afternoon, he said, “I want to disclose certain things I think you should know.” He didn’t share anything shocking — no not-quite-complete divorce, no baby mamas, no incarceration, no major health issues, no deep indebtedness, no sex-change operation. His disclosures were reasonably normal — a small debt from co-signing a loan for a relative who defaulted, some frustration about growing his business, and a few personal foilables.

I was touched by his forthrightness. I interpreted his initiating sharing his situation as showing he cared and was intending our relationship to be long term. He wanted to put his cards on the table and let me see what I’d be getting into if we went forward.

Perhaps my appreciation for this man’s disclosures were a reaction to my last beau’s secrecy. Getting information about basic things like how he’d spent his day was always a struggle. This man shared freely.

I realize the sharing may be just the tip of the iceberg and there may be much, much more that has yet to be disclosed. I also realize it could all be made up, but there hasn’t been anything that didn’t gel. I know, too, that some men use such disclosures as a way to manipulate the woman into trusting them.

I felt none of that with this man. He didn’t press me to escalate our connection after he’d shared his information. It did make me feel a bit more fond of him, however.

Have you had someone disclose personal information quickly? If so, did you think it was suspicious or did you appreciate it?


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About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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