Women know that if a man doesn’t ask to spend time with her, he’s not that interested in her. We have learned some men appreciate when a woman suggests a first date, but what about other communication?
If a woman initiates phone calls more often, she may tell herself, “He’s too busy at work to think of calling. So I’ll give him a jingle to see how he’s doing.”
If the woman is generally the one who starts email or text exchanges with a man, she may think, “He’s just not much of an emailer/texter.”
Recently I’ve become aware of a more subtle indicator: who initiates an IM most often. When a man asks if he can IM me and I accept, we can both see each other on our buddy list. When I’m online, I can see when he logs in and out, and he can see when I log in and out. I’ve often looked forward to seeing when a man who interested me logs in and I’d initiate the IM. Now I don’t. I figure if he wants to say hello, he can see I’m online.
More often than not, I put myself in invisible mode, not allowing people to see I’m online. If I want to make myself available when I notice someone come online, I can. But mostly I don’t.
Because that makes it too easy. I want a man who puts a little effort into our communication. If he can IM me w/virtually no effort, then he isn’t really thinking about me, just bumping into me online. I prefer he actually decides he wants to talk to me and dials the phone.
Is this being a prima donna? Of course, I don’t think so. To me a prima donna would NEVER initiate. I initiate some, but now I’m conscious of not doing most of it.
Why is this important? Because it’s so easy to delude ourselves that someone is into us when really he is just responding to our overtures. I’ve been on the giving and receiving ends of this. I’ve had men contact me who didn’t really interest me and yet I responded if he was nice. However, I’ve learned not to imply there is any romantic interest because I don’t want them to misinterpret my niceness, and I don’t want either of us to waste time. And early on, I’ll suggest that we be friends.
By not initiating IMs, I am seeing how much interest a man really has in getting to know me. If I’m just a mouse-click away and he only IMs me, there’s not much interest. If he at least picks up the phone and call, there is much more. It may seem like a little thing, but I’ve learned it takes Herculean effort for some men to call. In that case, how interested can he really be?
What have you noticed about who initiates IMs vs. phone calls?
More is explained about geting to know men onlin in Winning at the Online Dating Game: Stack the Deck in Your Favor