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“I’m attracted to you” does not mean “I’ll call you”

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Embracing Midlife MenMidlife men have said and done many things that caused me to think, “What??? The examples and my lessons fill Embracing Midlife Men: Insights Into Curious Behaviors. Just when I think I have a handle on what goes on in men’s heads, I’m confronted with a new curiosity.

The latest is from last Wednesday’s New Guy — a cute, smart, funny, artistic business man. As we parted after our 2-hour coffee date, he said, “I’m really, really attracted to you. When can I see you again?” I suggested we cook dinner (he’d earlier offered to cook for me) Friday night. I could have sworn he said that was good.

When I hadn’t heard from him by noon Friday, I called as I needed to know what time to expect him. I said, “I wanted to solidify our plans for tonight and see what time you were thinking.” He said, “What plans?”

I was floored. Had I hallucinated the conversation? I responded, “When we parted you asked when you could see me again and I said Friday. You don’t remember that?” He said, “No. So I made a commitment to my mom for tonight. I’m driving, so let me check my calendar and get back to you. I think Sunday’s open so let me look and I’ll call you.”

Needless to say, the call never came.

So what could have happened in this guy’s brain? Had he never heard the Friday night suggestion? Did he never have an intention of seeing me again? Why would he say he was attracted to me yet not make an effort for a second encounter? Did he already have a girlfriend but was still looking around in the hopes of a tryst? And then when I didn’t scoop him away after coffee, he thought better of it?

I know men tend to be more literal than women. They can think that unless something is said straight out one should not interpret an implied message. But never before would have I thought someone could say on a date “I’m very attracted to you. I’d like to see you again” yet have no intention of making that happen, especially when the woman says she’s interested, too. It’s puzzling.

What would you do in this instance? Would you just say, “Next” as I have done? Men, any insights into this kind of thinking and behavior?

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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