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Granny panties, schoolmarm and Church Lady

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It continually amazes me to hear the comments some men make during the pre-date stage. You would think they would focus on putting their best foot forward, thinking about how they want to make a great impression.

But no.

Some (many?) seem to have no filter or editor and just spew forth whatever is on their mind.

Case in point, the comments made in this posting’s title. Let me explain.

I have a dozen pictures posted on a dating site. I like all of them (or I wouldn’t have posted them) and they show me in a variety of settings from professional, formal, informal, to fun. I’ve received many, many compliments on my pics.

However, occasionally a man makes contact and we’ll start chatting. Either these men quickly become comfortable with me or they have no aforementioned filter. Then they let some disparaging comment slip.

Does a man really expect me to react positively when he says I look like I’d wear granny panties? Or that I epitomize a schoolmarm? Or that a picture of me in a wide-brimmed straw hat (which I’ve been told numerous times is classy and fetching) looks like I’m the Church Lady?

After perusing all my pics, a man asked, “Which is the real you?” A ridiculous question I thought — they were all the real me. So I asked what he meant. He said, “You look like you put on some pounds since the previous pic,” which I had not. It was the angle of the camera. While I could appreciate that many people post decades old and many-pounds-ago pics, I do not. I guess it was how he asked that was off-putting to me.

Do these men think at all before letting forth whatever crosses their mind?

On the one hand, honesty can be refreshing and appreciated. But honesty is generally valued most when you’ve built trust and have a solid relationship established. Honesty like “You look like you put on some pounds since the previous pic” is not appealing.

What have you had potential dates say to you that was off-putting? How did you handle it?


Want to know other things to look for before agreeing to a first date? Get your copy of Check Him Out Before Going Out: Head Off Dud Dates.

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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