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Does he make requests or demands?

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You can tell a lot about someone’s mindset by his word choice. How does he express his thoughts? By conscious, considerate language? Or disrespectful speech?

Perhaps I’m being nitpicky, but I believe how someone expresses him/herself reflects their attitudes toward others. I’m sensitive to whether someone invites or requests me to do something or commands (demands?) it from me.

In my exercise class, we have a routine to a song where the singer says, “Slide on over here, baby” entreating the woman to slide over on the couch to be next to him. Whenever I hear that, I think, “Why doesn’t he slide himself over to her?” He doesn’t say, “Would you slide on over here” or “Please slide on over here” or “I’d love to have you here next to me” — it’s a command, not a request. (Of course, part of the communication is via voice tone.)

I understand that in many people’s mind this could be considered a request. She wouldn’t slide over if she didn’t want to. He’s testing to see if she wants to cuddle up next to him, rather than him aggressively plunking himself next to her when she may not want that.

Let’s imagine that “Slide on over here, baby” is how the singer would phrase it in real life, without having to worry about song structure. If a man uses commands for requests, he’s seeing if he can get you to do what he wants without asking or inviting. If you do, he knows he has the upper hand.

Some men consider requests to be unmasculine. Asking seems so, well, wimpy. Couching an invitation in a command is much more manly, he thinks.

And some women like a man who “takes control.” They have a sub/dom relationship, even if it is non-aggressive. The women actually like a man who tells them what to do, and there are plenty of men who want a woman who will do what he tells her.

I’m not one of them. I bristle when a man tells makes too many commands when a request would be welcomed. I can tolerate an occasional one when it is for my safety or well being, but a regular diet of commands is off-putting.

Where are you on the command/request scale? Does it bother you or do you not mind? Are you more of a “teller” or “asking” when requesting behavior from another?


Dating after 40: In Search of King CharmingWhat else should you look for in your special guy? Read more in In Search of King Charming: Who Do I Want to Share My Throne?

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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