Necessity may be the “mother of all invention” but laziness is its father. At least for me.
I know dads don’t have the market cornered on lazy ingenuity, of course. And it’s not really “laziness” to have a lip-chewing dislike for performing a thousand tedious tasks, a million times over and over again, throughout the raising of kids.
So! Let’s take a gander at a few “dad hacks,” shortcuts, gimmicks and workarounds so we can do our dadding smarter, and not harder.
Who likes retrieving balls over and over and over? Yep. Dogs may be man’s best friend but dads aren’t dogs. Boom.
Why give your snoozing or can’t-even-ing kid an awkward, Quasimodo hip ride? We put wheels on LUGgage so we didn’t actually need to lug it around.
It’s All In The Wrist
Kick back and relax. Why reinvent the wheel when you don’t even need one? Let a simple string and momentum do the trick.
If you don’t even want to bother with a pullstring, you can just motorize the ease of your kid-swinging technique.
Dads know how filthy boys can be because duh. Preemptive measures are better than remedial measures. Especially when remedial means cleaning up sour tinkle splatter on your hands and knees.
You Sank My Battleship
Aim is important. It helps to show the nasty little weirdos WHAT to aim for. Otherwise they’ll just swing their liquid lightsaber everywhere.
YOU SHALL NOT SPEED!
speaking of pee! It can be hard for your parental brain not to piss its pants with worry when you toss your keys over to your new driver. This trick may put a diaper of reassurance on your concern.
One Trip or Death
More than one trip? Pfffft! Even with a little one, you can bring the car seat inside before gouging your arms power-lifting the week’s groceries inside in one speed-waddling trip.
Yakety-Yak, Don’t Talk Back
For some weird reason, taking out the papers and the trash doesn’t pose the irresistibly satisfying challenge of hauling a dozen grocery bags utilizing every limb. So… Uber those trash cans.
It’s our job as responsible parents to makse sure our kids don’t eat a lot of that candy that we want to eat… heh.
With all the bills and stuff we wind up buying for our little adorable money pits, it’s nice to save a buck or hundreds when we can. Dadding is easier when you’re not broke.
Say goodbye to fussing and fumbling as you pull your little girl’s hair into a tattered squirrel’s tail. Watch your Princess twirl!
Hair Tie, Done and Dusted
And if your little princess doesn’t want to get all happy-go-pukey spinning herself dizzy… SHHHHHWOOMP!
Parents of boys can also benefit from the miracle of motorized suction for hair management.
This baby feeding hack can be done with pumped breast milk or formula. And, if done in public, it’s 100% guaranteed to turn the heads of breastfeeding lovers and haters alike. Tee hee!
Sure, there may be some early developmental trust issues formed with this one, but at least the baby won’t starve as so many seem intent to do.
Inflatable Sheet Tent
Don’t exhaust yourself hauling couch cushions into playtime fortifications. This solution is easy peasey, bedding breezey.
Remote Control Stroll
What a time to be alive! Don’t get carried away with this one, though. No ramps please.
They’re not even playing! Ah, it’s simply amazing how easily entertained kids are. And how gullible.
Power Drill Rocker
When your cramping calves have had it with bouncing your tater tot for hours, unleash the true power of your power tools. But like… not the FULL power. Be smart.
These are just a mere smattering of the rad, weird tricks and “tools” some dads have slammed into their utility belts to make parenting not so dang tedious and sweat-producing.
What do you think of these? And what shortcuts or workarounds have you come up with? I’m not just making internet conversation, I NEED TO KNOW! But like, for a friend.
DAD MODE ACTIVATED!
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