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Another one bites the dust

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With apologies to Queen (but without the violence of their song), I share that another one bites the dust. Number 102. The result of my latest foray into

After a few email exchanges, we talked for an hour and I mentioned the next evening I was going to a public street fair within walking distance of my house. He said, “I may go to that and look for you.” Uh huh. Great way to set up something certain, as 30,000 people attend this event.

He called me from the event and asked if I was there yet. I said I was leaving in 15 minutes. He said he’d “look for me.” Right. In a crowd of thousands you’re going to find someone you’ve never met. I didn’t press for a more certain location, as I figured he must not be too interested if he didn’t want to set a specific spot.

Ten minutes later he called to say he was in a nice bar and had a table. Finally, some certainty! A plan! What a concept. I said I’d be there in a few minutes.

He was smart, tall, educated and successful. But I’m afraid we just didn’t have enough in common. In fact, we are polar opposites politically, not that I don’t enjoy a spirited discussion. But I’m not fond of arguments that aren’t likely to yield either of us changing our opinions.

He wasn’t odious or disrespectful and even bought me a glass of wine. But his regular interjection of curse words and his repeating himself grew tiring. He did ask me a few questions, and I interjected my thoughts when he didn’t.

The drink evolved to a light dinner at an inexpensive ethnic restaurant down the street. When the bill came, I got out my wallet, as my male buddies have coached me to do on a first encounter. He said my share was $14. OK. That’s usually a screaming sign that there’s no interest in a repeat rendezvous.

We walked back to where our destinations required a split. He hugged me and said, “Talk to you soon.” Which generally means, “Have a nice life.” Which is okay, as I wasn’t really feeling it either.

One of the hardest things about midlife dating is keeping your optimism in the face of a number of going-nowhere encounters. The interaction isn’t horrible, it’s just not great. Ambivalence. It’s the all-too-common reality of this exercise. So I keep my hopes up and respond to the next man knocking on my in-box.


One of the benefits of online dating is it allows you to get to know several people concurrently and not be considered a two-timer. Learn how to ethically go out with several people in Multidating Responsibly: Play the Field Without Being A Player.

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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