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6AM TODDLER Energy Beverage (Bad Product Idea #20)

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​One might think this was actually a good product idea. Maybe the best energy drink ever conceived, but no. So shower-cry sadly it is not.

This energy drink wouldn’t turbocharge you with raw pulse-pounding power when you wanted it. 110% nope.

Every kid-owner already knows. No matter what time of day or night, it’d just be awake o’clock. Face-twitchingly always. But most especially when you actually NEEDED to skydive parachuteless into the sweet coma of deep, refreshing sleep.

Side effects would probably include:

  • Running the day’s events over and over again in your head
  • Thinking about tomorrow over and over again
  • Eyes puffier than the lips of an aging reality star
  • Unsatisfying and convulsive shark-like yawns
  • A flinching hypersensitivity to the approaching pitter patter of feet
  • Gold-medal-worthy tossing and turning gymnastics
  • Eyes so bloodshot that bulls just explode at the sight of you
  • Inventing worries that WebMD hasn’t even thought of giving you
  • Incredibly public hallucinations
  • Tortured mental math of the sleep you could get away with if you fell asleep right this second
  • Sleep walking/internetting/snack preparation
  • Soul bleeding

So yeah, maybe not such a great idea for an energy drink. Where did this basically shitty idea come from? Well, I saw a tweet from the painfully and ceaselessly hilarious Simon Holland (facebook / twitter)…

I read it and I laughed that bitter, knowing, maniacal laughter that a parent makes. The one that turns every head in awkwardly silence at a coffee shop or grocery store. And then I thought, what if. And then I though, nope. Like, lots of nope.

It just wouldn’t be such a good idea.

Even Worse Product Ideas
Diaper thongs, baby dentures, holster-style baby carriers, wearable tents for breastfeeding… so many bad ideas.

More Funny Photoshoppery
Use the power of dumbness to become smarterer.

About Yury Zvyagolskiy

Yury Zvyagolskiy
In almost all American movies there is a bad guy who is usually Russian and his name is Yury. If the bad guy is not from Russia, his last name usually starts with Z. So here I am - Yury Z. My specialty is personal effectiveness. I am an expert in goal achievement, personal effectiveness, relationships and effective thinking.

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