I love swearing. I used to cuss in front of my friends in high school. Lots of people told me that I talked like a sailor, or that my language wasn’t ladylike. But now I’m a grown-ass woman and I can swear all I want to:
See? It’s pretty fucking liberating.
And I understand that some people think these words are “bad” or “inappropriate.” But to me, they’re as fun as they are flexible. Need “fuck” to be a noun? Sure, how many fucks do you have left? An adjective? Of fucking course. A verb? You bet there’s been plenty of fucking going on.
These aren’t “bad” words, so much as they are “adult” words. And they bring me joy, so I will continue to swear as much as I fucking want to in the new year. Here are some funny tweets from people who understand this obsession with swearing.
First, for the people who think women shouldn’t swear:
“Girls aren’t supposed to curse”
First of all, fuck you
— First of all (@ayfirstofall) October 17, 2017
Then there are the people who don’t swear at all, compared to me:
Other people: gosh darn it
Me: God fucking fuck ass shit damn cockwaffles
— Christina Novelli (@MissCNovelli) February 24, 2017
Even when I tell myself I probably shouldn’t:
Me: I need to stop cursing so much
Inner Me: Fuck that pic.twitter.com/eUIKCN235Y
— Kermit (@ltsKermit) December 10, 2016
And I even cuss when people ask me not to cuss, because this is just who I am:
people: watch your language
me: oh shit sorry
— no (@tbhjuststop) July 25, 2013
Swearing is just part of my personality:
Friend: Do you have to swear so much?
Me: Do you have to breathe in and out?
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) November 24, 2017
But I’ve learned to own it:
If someone calls you a crazy bitch, just thank them…
Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite, crazy bitch.
— Liz (@myboots111) March 16, 2013
Besides, like I said, there’s nothing quite as versatile as the word “fuck”:
We can put the word "fucking" anywhere in a fucking sentence and it fucking makes sense every fucking time.
— Girl Tweets (@comedyorjoke) November 28, 2013
But I’ve learned to control it when I need to:
“Per my last e-mail” is office speak for “bitch can you read”
— Cookie (@OhEmmeG) December 21, 2017
At least most of the time:
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) December 16, 2017
Okay, at least some of the time:
"SLOW DOWN, YOU OLD BITCH," I scream at the YouTube knitting tutorial lady.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 30, 2017
Swearing is essentially a reflex for a lot of people:
Sometimes "Fuck it" is my final thought before making most of my life changing decisions…
— Just RäRä© (@Moi_RaRa) February 24, 2013
Especially since the world is a giant dumpster fire right now:
It’s true what they say, “Holy shit, this is all so fucked up.”
— Mr. Bea Arthur (@FuckabillyRex) December 11, 2017
But swearing doesn’t mean that we don’t want people to be kind:
Just be nice to people you fucking twat
— sliver of grace (@sliver_of) November 23, 2017
In fact, we’re some of the most honest, loyal fuckers that you’ll ever meet:
You may very well be a piece of shit, but you’re my piece of shit and I’ll always have your back.
— GHD (@GingerHotDish) December 3, 2017
And yes, some of us even swear in front of our children:
Before kids: I will never swear in front of my precious angels.
After kids: WTF is this math homework?!
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 13, 2017
If you don’t understand why, then you probably don’t have kids:
Me to my children: I would kill and die for you
Also me to my children: I AM NOT YOUR DAMN MAID AND WILL BURN ALL THE SHIT ON YOUR BEDROOM FLOORS IN A MASSIVE BONFIRE AND DANCE AROUND THE FLAMES IN GLORY AND RAGE
— rabia chaudry (@rabiasquared) November 26, 2017
But we don’t like to be told what we should or shouldn’t say around our kids:
Parents: "If only there were a manual for this."
Also parents: "How dare you tell me how to raise my kids, you piece of shit."
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 1, 2017
No matter what they might pick up along the way:
Preschool teacher: Your daughter said a bad word in class.
Me: Where the fuck did she learn that?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2015
The rest is trial and error, really:
I guess "Peace out, bitches!" wasn't an appropriate way to leave the PTA meeting.
I know this now.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 7, 2017
But the takeaway is the same:
Quit being offended by everything you stupid fucks.
— CC (@Whatever__cc) December 10, 2017
It’s a choice to be offended by people cussing, and those are typically the same people who could use more swear-therapy in their lives. So my advice is to embrace the colorful creativity of swearing, because you might learn to love it.